T.J. Miller - Battle Of The Century, Part V lyrics

Brandon Johnson
Our last battle was amazing, but it ain't the last battle.
No, this is the last battle.
We've got all-star emissario T.J. Miller, goin' up against
The second degree black belt, kung-fu of rhyme..
T.J. Miller.. in a slightly lower pitch.

So check it out, y'all
T.J. versus T.J. in this battle til' death
Winner takes all.

(Battle, battle, battle, battle..)

T.J. #1
T.J. Miller, aka the stone cold killer
Work with the big fives, still waitin' on Stiller
Hustler, hustlin' since '03, you know me
It's T.J. Miller, the barely-an-M.C.

Got money for days, for weeks even
I'm the demigod, so haters are heathens
Spit so fast, it's a wonder I'm still breathin'
Could've been you when I was a baby before I started teethin'

T.J. #2
Forgot your name, I'll call you T. Gay Buttfiller
The only assassination you make, is your a buzzkiller
I spit surrepticious with the daggers and the (clothes/cloaks)
I'm a real rapper, you stick to tellin' dick jokes

I'm the nicest rapper alive, not polite
T.K.O., you already lost, we didn't start the fight
Quit standup, you're the worst, word to God
You should quit movies and TV, stick to improv

Clover-failed, oh no we got a bleeder
Look everyone it's the poor man's Jon Heder

T.J. #1
I'm Jon Heder? Nah, I'm not a Mormon - Let the gates down,
You're the queen of the castle that I'm stormin'
Talk shit about standup, you're like those improv snobs
I'll see you all in five years at your day jobs

What's that? You didn't care for my comedy?
Well please exit to the left and buy my CD
Ran from the monster trained a couple dragons
Couldn't stop the train cause Ethan Suplee and me were (laggin'?)

I'm the big cheese, call me Mr. Stilton
You bit the dick that feeds you, you're Perez Hilton

T.J. #2
Oh good, another fro'd out white guy tryn'a big screen it
We've seen it, it wasn't very good, I'm serious, I mean it
This guy's up a paddle without a creek
Here's some news for you, everyone's out of your league

Dude looks like Seth Rogen looks like Jason Segel
Dude even kinda looks like Prince William, not as regal
Talk shit and you can act like I care
Lest we forget, T.J., you were Yogi Bear

T.J. #1
Wait, hold up, that's a piece of groundbreaking cinema
That's axiomatic from front to back like a palindrome about Panama
In case you didn't remember, I'm from fucking Denver
M.C.'s get drawn and quartered, as well as dismembered

Like (Mike Judge), I'm always ahead of the curb
Extract what you know about me and what you heard
If you dislike boredom, yo, I'm the cure
Wash your hands with Purell, because you're impure

The jet-setting, betting there'll be a Yogi 2 and if not
Here's a message from my money: "Fuck you!"

T.J. #2
Your raps suck, pocket ham and a clock collection
And it's my understanding you rarely achieve an erection
You have trouble holding down a real relationship
You asshole, when I give someone a brand new one, it's you I rip

Toddler body, your face looks like God was tired
I'm the Donald Trump card, you're fired

T.J. #1
Third-rate movies, TV shows all got cancelled
You're bad at hip-hop, why not try dancehall
You're the never gonna be and the never was
New math, any movie without you, that's a plus

Can't keep it together and you're always missin' shows
Can't keep the rhythm, and it shows in your flows

You're irresponsible, you're barely a man
Pasty, white motherfucker, you'd be cream coloured with a tan
How you got a career, (for a sandwich?) for years I've wondered
Go back to the rock you crawled out from under

Don't worry about whether or not you're gonna blow it
It'll all be gone, before you even know it
You're the worst of the worst, it won't work out
Stars burn bright, T.J., you just burned out (out, out..)