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Krista Detor - Sheriff Santa From Montana lyrics

SHERIFF SANTA FROM MONTANA
© Krista Detor, The Silver Wood: Wintersongs

Somewhere in Montana there’s a Santa with a gun
And his elves on wooden horses having tons of cowboy fun
The bad guys all go runnin’ when he shakes his jolly fist
‘Cause somewhere in Montana, Sheriff Santa has got a list

The jail’s made out of gingerbread and icing window grout
And Spitball Sonny done lost his teeth trying to eat his bad way out
The jailer’s small but mighty mean as he cracks his licorice whip
‘Cause somewhere in Montana, Sheriff Santa shoots from the hip

His pistol’s filled with lumps of coal, he’s got a perfect aim
And all the bad guys tremble just to hear Kris Kringle’s name
And high noon’s pretty frosty as the reindeer whinny and neigh
‘Cause somewhere in Montana, a bad guy is gonna pay

On Christmas Eve he calls his Yuletide posse
To round up all the cowboys that are naughty
There’s Talkback Tommy and D+ Dan
There’s Gumchair Gus and Tattletale Stan
Sheriff Santa’s got a plan cause they’re hiding out in Candyland

Santa calls out to the bad guys, ‘Put your hands up in the air!’
And they beg him, ‘Please! No! Not the list!’
But the list’s already there

And he checks their names off one by one
Shoots their stockings full of coal
‘Cause out there in Montana being naughty takes its toll ...

So saddle up, little deputies, and think hard on this tale
Don’t let yourselves get locked up in that old gingerbread jail
‘Cause being naughty might be fun, but just remember this
Somewhere in Montana, Sheriff Santa has got a list!