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Half Man Half Biscuit - Arthur's Farm lyrics

Arthur Askey and Dougie-Wougie Bader
Went down to the Animal Farm.
Dougie bored a boar,
With his stories from the war.
And explained about the boil on his palm.

Napoleon, very pink, offered both of them a drink,
And a drink and a drink and a drink.
Come the hour of four, they were legless to be sure,
Not one of them had even had a wink,
Of sleep.

Everybody sang as loud as they could,
"Two legs bad, but four legs good!"
This made the boys feel pretty oppressed.


Came the new realm, it was A. A. at the Helm",
While Dougers played ‘Luftwaffe’ on the roofs
After amputating limbs all the others wrote new hymns
And a signpost read ‘Second-hand hooves’.
Years passed by, double grazing in the sty
It was good, but it was total apathy
Everybody arsed around
As the Beast of England Sound,
Had been ruined by a busy busy bee!
And chants were heard from the East to the West,
"Four legs good, but no legs best!"
Invalidity reigned supreme.
And shouts were heard from the East to the West,
"Four legs good, but no legs best!"
One-time visitors were now the regime