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Dan Hicks - The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) lyrics

The piano has been drinking

My necktie is asleep

And the combo went back to New York

The jukebox has to take a leak

And the carpet needs a haircut

And the spotlight looks like a prison break (It's bright!)

And the telephone's out of cigarettes

And the balcony is on the make

And the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

And the menus are all freezing

And the light man's blind in one eye

And he can't see out of the other

And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid (Say what?)

And he showed up with his mother

And the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

Mmm...

And the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler

Cream-puff Casper Milktoast

And the owner is a mental midget

With the I.Q. of a fence post

'Cause the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

And you can't find your waitress

With a Geiger counter

And she hates you and your friends

And you just can't get served without her

And the box-office is drooling

And the bar stools are on fire (Talk about a hot seat!)

And the newspapers were fooling

And the ash-trays have retired

'Cause the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

Not me