Commercial - Midlife Crisis Center lyrics

Do you find your daughter's friends attractive, but know they look at you as "just a dad"?
Does the typing pool at work think of you more as a teddy bear than a tiger?
Do you whack off in your mini-van while listening to teen pop?
Y'know, you'll be dead soon. You've missed out on so much.
It's not too late to make a change...

At the Midlife Crisis Center, we know you've made a success of yourself.
Why are you sharing it with others?
Why not enjoy it while you have a chance?
What's holding you back? Cowardice.
We'll get you to the other side of your despair.
We specialize in real estate, divorce attorneys, mistress placement, plastic surgery, hair coloring and replacement, male fur coats and much more.
With a designer clothing store and sports car dealership on site, the Midlife Crisis Center will help you discover life while you still can.

Come with your wife, leave with a sports car.
While you've made a success of yourself, her chest has gone south.
How can you have that trollop on your arm for a second longer?
The answer is, "You can't"
Ignore your children. Take yourself seriously.
Visit the Midlife Crisis Center today!