Clem Snide - Mike Kalinsky lyrics

mike kalinsky had asthma
he was often absent from school
but he still performed well on tests & quizzes
so all the other kids felt like fools

mike kalinsky had asthma
spinning bottles never pointed his way
you see, he had difficulty breathing
so he couldn't participate in sports
and all the jocks said he was gay

there is no cure for asthma
but does anyone even care?
mike kalinsky spent high school alone in his bedroom listening to joy division and the misfits
and going nowhere

and years passed
i forgot all about him
and then one night, i was hanging out at a local rock club
checking out a band a friend of mine said i really shouldn't miss
and there he was, singing
a song that went a little something like this:

'i couldn't even blow out a simple match'