Bruce McCulloch - Never Trust lyrics

Never trust
Never trust a man
Never trust a man that says "trust me"

Never paint your face with the name of your local sports team, unless they're playing.
Never recycle. Your neighbors will just be able to see what a boozer you are.
Never name-drop... your own name.
Never say "Hey, I can kill a kid. It's my birthday."
Never say "It's my birthday" either. If people don't know, then just shut up, Jack.

This guy phoned me up one time
In the middle of the night
He said he couldn't finish my roof
'Cause he lost his tools to his ex-wife

Never trust

Never trust a roofer without work boots.
Never give a blind guy ripple chips to read.
Never describe yourself as a "long-gone daddy with fists of steel and a nose for trouble" when the border guard asks what you do for a living. Never say you're an actor either.
Never go to a computer party. Never go to a listening party. Never go to a couples party.

Never go out
Never go out

I knew this cat one time
His chick said she was on the pill
It turned out the pill she was talking about
Was a little round sucker called Advil

Never trust

Never trust a woman who thinks a dreamcatcher is a birth control device.
Never trust a man who says he wants to start a family "right away".
Never have an affair. And, when you do, never get caught. And if you do have an affair and get caught and admit it and break up, never say it was "for the best".
Never wear a wedding dress to another woman's wedding and say "What? This old thing?"
Never be at a funeral and say "You're next! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Never trust
Never trust a man
Who repeats himself