ApologetiX - Not Logs Lincoln lyrics

Parody of "Hot Rod Lincoln" by Commander Cody

Noah had to have a boat to survive or he'd be sinkin'
So he built it out of gopher wood and not logs Lincoln!
Well, have you heard the story of the giant ship,
Which Noah started buildin' in Genesis 6
That story's true, I'm here to say " there's archeological evidence around today
One day God decided He'd finally had enough,
Told Noah and his family it was time to pack up
Said, Build yourself an ark out of pitch and wood,
I'm gonna hit the earth with a worldwide flood
300 cubits long by 50 cubits wide -- make it 30 cubits deep for a roomy inside
With three decks dividin' and windows on the top
Then start gatherin' animals and just don't stop
450 feet long if my numbers are correct, 75 feet wide with the same three decks
So the roomy inside's 45 feet deep -- that's more than a million and a half cubic feet
Let's look at displacement just for fun; that's 43,300 tons,
So the basic dimensions you could probably say
Were about the same as many ocean liners today
So the Lord told Noah he was gonna start a zoo:
Take seven of every clean animal, two of every unclean one, male and its mate
And stick 'em in the ark and don't be late
Now, I read somewhere there's about 290 main species of land animals you can find
That are larger than sheep and not only that; there's 757 more from sheep to rats
With 1,358 more species that are smaller than rats, well, you know it wasn't easy
But it says there in Genesis 6:22,
Noah did everything the Lord commanded him to do
And his other son, Japheth and the wives of each of them
And he got inside the ark, when he turned 600,
And the sky grew dark and it probably thundered
On the 17th day of the second month, then,
Well, the springs of the great deep burst open
And the floodgates of the heavens opened up wide
And the Lord sent rain 40 days and 40 nights
So the rains came down and the floods kept risin'
Over the tops of the mountains and the whole horizon
And the waters stayed level for 150 more
And a bunch of birds later, Noah opened up the door
After 371 days in the ark, old Noah got out, and he prob'ly said "Hark!
"I'm glad I had a boat to survive or I'd be sinkin',
That's why I built it out of gopher wood and not logs Lincoln!