Adam Sandler - The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions lyrics

And now a buffoon’s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.

Dean: well michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall.

Buffoon: I got a snake, man!

Dean: yes, pets are welcome here on campus. be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile.

Buffoon: one time I fed it some beer man! it was slithering this way and that! it was all fucked up!

Dean: I’m sure it was. well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus.

Buffoon: fuckin’ shit!

Dean: yes, that’s a not uncommon reaction to this policy. so tell me a little bit more about your background.

Buffoon: my father’s a fucking asshole, man!

Dean: hmm, I see. your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son.

Buffoon: my mother’s a piece of shit too!

Dean: well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn.

Buffoon: my teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! she had her head way up her ass!

Dean: well the quality of the faculty at a university such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school.

Buffoon: your secretary’s a real fat bitch, man!

Dean: yes, she’s tried many diets over the years with minimal success.

Buffoon: I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!

Dean: uh huh, well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. so have you given any thought to your choice of major?

Buffoon: I’ve got a big fucking boner right now.

Dean: I see. well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense.

Buffoon: one time I ate my neighbors shit!

Dean: that’s understandable. well, I enjoyed meeting you. we’ll be sending you our decision by the end of the month.

Buffoon: I bet you got really hairy balls.

Dean: yes, it’s a veritable forest down there. bye bye.