Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy. - Trumpet Troubles lyrics

God, it would be so nice if I could play trumpet
I just wish I could play this thing
I've been borrowing this trumpet for so long
I just can't play it

(attempts to play trumpet, and fails as his anger increases)

It hurts my lips to blow on this thing
God, I wish I could play on the trumpet!

(another failed attempt)

Damn this trumpet!
I wish I could play it!
Look at the spit valve!
It just dribbles out onto the floor!
That's so cool! God!

(yet another pathetic attempt at playing it, practically crying now...)

But I can't play it!
I wish I could play this trumpet!!!!